I'd blame society, if I thought I could get away with it. But, in fact, it's my fault.
sweet Delight: scenes from a chocolate factory
A Charlie and the Chocolate Factory/Petshop of Horrors crossover
Disclaimer: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory the book is copyright to Roald Dahl, the movie to Tim Burton and Warner Brothers, and no infringement is intended. Petshop of Horrors is copyright to Matsuri Akino, with the same lack of intending.
Warnings: Spoilers for Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
The man was eerily pretty for a grown-up, Charlie reflected thoughtfully. In fact, he was just eerie fullstop. There was the peculiar way he spoke, the little smiles he kept giving everyone, the fact that he looked like he was wearing makeup, and as for his clothes...
Willy Wonka wheeled around and fixed the last two golden ticket winners with a suddenly attentive eye.
"And you, you're just lucky to be here, aren't you?" He demanded of Charlie, apparently continuing some sort of conversation. "And you..." He paused. "You... and your... parent?"
"HELL no!" The tall blonde man standing behind Charlie yelled indignantly.
"He's my Detective," replied the other winner, smiling gently. "And I am Count D."
Willy Wonka stared at the other man for a moment, apparently somewhat confused. Charlie felt a bit nervous standing between the two of them, and exchanged a look with his grandpa.
"That," said Willy Wonka at long last, "is the most lovely outfit I've ever seen."
Leon watched as the annoying brat was hauled to the garbage shute by the squirrel mob. "Oh hell," he muttered, preparing to leap over the gate.
A delicate hand grasped his arm and pulled, gently.
"Damn it D," he gritted. "You stopped me going after the Augustus kid, and there was nothing I could do about the purple girl, but I'm not gonna just stand here and watch a bunch of squirrels eat or kill or WHATEVER they're gonna do to that little girl."
Charlie watched him in awe as he prepared to dash to the rescue, while Mr Salt echoed the word "Kill?" in a horrified tone.
"Kill?" Mr Wonka laughed. "Oh there's no need to worry about that. They're squirrels! Not homicidal murderers."
Leon muttered something about rabbits and jumped the fence.
A few minutes later, the Detective sourly watched the fuzzy monsters snuggle against the Count.
"If you could keep them from attacking me, why couldn't you have rescued the girl and her father?"
The Count smiled and rapped his knuckles against Leon's head.
"I did nothing, Detective. It is just fortunate that you are, apparently, a good nut."
Leon was about to respond colourfully, but caught himself when he spotted Charlie watching.
"This place is wonderful," Count D declared happily. "We really must see if your aunt and uncle will let us bring Chris here for a visit one day."
Fortunately, Grandpa Joe was able to cover Charlie's ears in time.
Charlie sprinted down a series of corridors, trying to keep up with the Oompa Loompas, who were surprisingly fast for a race so short. Gasping, he turned a corner and collided briefly with Wonka, who steadied them both and then sprinted off again, Charlie's shirt clutched firmly in one hand.
"What's that alarm?" Charlie demanded.
"Intruder alert," Wonka's face was uncharacteristically cold. "Sneaking, evil, candy-idea-stealing thieves trying to sneak in and make off with MY recipes!"
The pair ran into the inventing room and halted. Oompa Loompas milled around in confusion, and several experimental vats had been overturned. In the middle of all the chaos came some frantic barking.
"Max!" Charlie called. "Here boy!"
His dog ran over to him and barked energetically, while the Loompa security forces got the alarms switched off and ran over to report to Wonka.
Charlie petted Max while he watched the fast signing. He'd only been studying Loompa-ese for a while, and this blur of hands and strange clucking made no sense to him. Finally Wonka turned to him, a thoughtful expression crossing his face. He looked from Charlie to Max and back again, and then smiled.
"Oh dear! False alarm!" He trilled, and laughed merrily.
"It wasn't Max, was it?" Charlie looked guiltily at the overturned experiments. "I've TOLD him not to come in here."
"Max? How could it be Max? What a strange idea?" Wonka laughed again, this time a little falsely. "No, I've no problems with Max going wherever he likes. No problems whatsoever. Just some of the ultra-pop candy exploding again. Not Max at all. Good boy, Max. Very, VERY good boy."
Relieved, Charlie stood up and smiled. "Okay, well if everything's all right, I'd better get back to my homework."
"Of course, of course," Wonka waved him off energetically. "An education is an extremely important thing."
Charlie grinned shyly and headed for the door, before stopping all of a sudden. "Oh, I almost forgot! I was going to ask you if we could send some of the new hokey-pokey french vanilla chocolate in this month's box to Count D?"
Wonka's smile froze. "Why... of course, Charlie, dear boy, whatever you'd like. It wouldn't do to forget the Count's monthly box of chocolates"
Charlie smiled and petted Max again. "No, it wouldn't," he agreed, and hugged his dog.
- Fic: sweet Delight